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Cute alcoholic bartender housemate ...

Cute alcoholic bartender housemate to barter or trade (for toaster oven)

Trade: our current sexy, saucy, boozing wench who looses her keys, her purse, her dog and her panties when she gets drunk ... oh wait, it's the dog that takes her panties ...and "forgets" that she broke all the wine glasses while you were gone for 4 days. Don't worry, for your birthday, she'll buy you 4 wine glasses she bought for $12 at BevMo, which she will then systematically break over the next 3 weeks. Then she won't come home for 3 days when she falls in love with a Peruvian Bocce Champ. Then, desolate when he returns to his homeland (which actually might have been Portugal? whatever... she just LOVES that cute accent! ) she comes weeping home and promises to quit drinking and go to Meetings, but when she sobers up realizes she has a wine tasting to go to. Oh, and she had invited you 2 days ago, but now she wants to take her new BEST FRIEND - a girl she met playing pool at the neighborhood dive bar 30 minutes ago. Not your neighborhood, and it's not likely she'll ever remember which neighborhood she was in, but this girl is the funniest, most interesting friend she's had since... last week?

In return for a discounted rent, because after all she's a bartender and who knows from day to day what she'll make ... or, remember to put in her purse...provided she remembers where her purse is... she'll hook you up with $200 worth of drinks a month. But whenever you go in to her establishment, her boss gives you both the evil eye and she chickens out. So you're out $200 a month...and like an idiot you'd included bills with her rent so when she brings home the latest boyfriend...this one lasting more than 6 days! ... you are out for the utilities he consumes as well.

When you come home after a weekend out of town, she denies having a party. You find your guitar upside down in the garden, where it's been since Friday night. When you try to ask her about the broken glass outside, she doesn't know what you are talking about, but maybe it's from her birthday party you busted your ass on for her ... 6 weeks ago? Might as well be, as it's not like she ever cleaned up, and you've been doing that too, ever since. Then the maid finds the shard from the $270 hand thrown pottery bowl you got as a gift from a dear friend who died 5 years ago, under the couch. At first she denies it and then blames it on her now-ex-psycho boyfriend, who you know will never replace it.

I should mention that she has a track record of bringing home psychotic obsessive losers who refuse to leave, refuse to pay utilities, but profess profound and undying love for her at 90 decibels — at 4 a.m. ..while she's screaming at them to leave and get out of the house. But don't worry, she's dumped him. Ummm... 3 times now? The police already have him on file. Apparently he's on probation and shouldn't have been driving her car - much less "borrowing" yours when you were out of town.

Will TRADE for your ex-girlfriend, your stalker (not the one that boils bunnies), your ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (again, no bunny boilers, or chicks who keep ice-picks under the bed), a good toaster oven, or hey, even your $10 discount coupon for Jiffy Lube.

Will BARTER for any of the above, plus kick in $250 towards her next deposit if you'll take her now.