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meh ...

so there's this guy... we met driving down to Baja after Xmas. We talked non-stop, we had a metric fuck tonne of things in common, and - complete surprise to me- ended up having a fling in Baja. It was really fun, and we got along famously, doing some work down there and working well together.

I knew he was going thru some shit but because of the chemistry we had as friends, after a couple of weeks I sent him this email telling him i really liked him but wanted to be friends no matter what, and what was he thinking?

He didn't respond. So i guess i know he's not into me, right?

2 weeks later, he pops up on Facebook and Chats with me, and i say something about him ignoring me and he said he was NOT ignoring me, but he had just been laid off from work and had to spend some time thinking about how he felt and he would respond.

Only he didn't.


So he's bitching on Fakebook about his knee, and i have a knee brace and crutches and a cane to loan him, and am on the way over to Oakland that night to some friends' who were putting on an acrobatic rehearsal for a big show they were doing on tour, and invited him along, and he had a great time. He brought a puppy he'd found a couple of days before, and although it peed on the floor, it was adorable and everything about the evening was nice.

I left after a kiss and a "see you soon" - the same way he'd said goodbye January 4th when i'd seen him last.

Over two weeks, nothing.

And then today, on Facebook, he changes his status from "single" to "it's complicated." I know this cuz a heart materializes on my Profile page, or whatever [stupid UI makes it impossible to remember what the frak is going on between the 3 views you have of your shit.]So THAT's how he communicates a response? After 14 hours of fun, scintillating conversation, great sex, and a lot of affection? Ok, i know, i know, but "we had plans" damnit!!! to do really cool things... arrghhh!

He's Just Not That Into You?

ya think? ::sigh::

I want a Partner in Crime!!!! meh ...

Tunez !: Railway Shoes, Robyn Hitchcock
Comments

I am sorry to hear this. 99.9% of people I have met in my 39 years on this Earth have been completely useless game players, emotional cripples, and manipulative losers. I have given up on dating (men and women), accepted that this area of my life is not going to work out, and moved on. I assume that everyone I meet is just a fuck buddy and play accordingly. I expect to be let down and lied to. Taking this approach saves me a lot pain, frustration and disappointment.

can;t give up

JetKat, that makes me sadder than my original post made me... HOney, i'm older than you and there is one thing i can declare, and that is that it keeps getting better every time. Really. Maybe not my partner in crime, but the Van rocked. And for a while there I thought i had my best friend ever.
But he's too young, too broken, and I am better off without him. I don't think he lied or misled me to hurt me, but it did hurt. And I'm just venting and whining a bit before i go back to focusing on my book and my getting into shape thang.
I had such a great time yesterday, it was hard to imagine having TIME for a boy with all those friends and the excitement and shit.
When I find someone who you won't eat alive, and who will see you for the dynamo bitchen goddess of witty snark and cool and badassness all around, i will let you know. They are out there. I just don't like dating in my gene pool. Messy breakups, yadda yadda, or just the fact that i don't want anyone I feel is family, ya know?
But in the meantime, it's really true that you often find the best people when you don't need them, and aren't looking.
(hard to pretend you aren't thinking about that though, huh?) But it works.
love and hugs and rubs behind the ears! mmwow

(Anonymous)
Meh

He got laid off. He was extremely stressed. He probably did forget. Then you contacted him and unintentionally put him on the defensive. Plus it looks like he may have someone he's involved with (that may have been subsequent to your trip). Relax. You're still friends. Fling defined. Or fling foo. Fling poo?

whooo are youoooo?

Well you know a lot.

A lot more than I did. And a lot more than I probably know even now. And yeah, his girl has been his predating my meeting him and if that's what he wants in life, may he go with godspeed. Huzzah! and w00t! and all the rest.

As for me, I think I Got it - that he isn't into me except as a friend. I didn't expect the POUNCE part, and don't regret it. Just wish I'd known his proclivity for That Which Means Nothing. (Since *everything* I do seems to mean so much more than is apparent.) Then I would have taken the hand as it was dealt, and nothing more.

I have had only 1 one-night-stand. And that was because I specifically told him no two nights later. I wanted him to be the defining moment of my One Night Stand. Ooooo Ahhhh. And so shall he be, until...

And flings? I guess I've had a couple of those, and again, not because that was all there was, but because we live 2000 or 8000 miles apart. The door's open on both sides. I just wanted to know what was up? Is fling? is forgotten? didn't happen? was mistake? was so incredibly mind-blowing that he has shifted to another dimension and the mention of me makes him phase into an infra red spectrum? You know. the usual...

Anyway, no harm, no foul, just took 2 fraking months to figure that out... sto0pid heart. Waste of time... My cat is snuggly & loyal & always in my bed. So, with Gargamel & 120 volts, what else do i need?

(Anonymous)
Meh redux

I just gleaned the info from your post - and commented based on how I would think if I was in his place. Love is fun. Love hurts. It never makes any sense. I usually fall for it - maybe even prime the pump. The perfect partner is a myth - and all the moral arguments are just another aspect of the fun.I suppose that makes me look jaded, but I call it pragmatic. Even the 'perfect love' is painful. I don't know why we persist in imagining different. Sorry, didn't mean to pontificate.

you aren't pontificating.

I think you've been around that heartland territory too, the walking on fire and the shut out and shut down with the cold. Damn shifty weather.

Best not give up and to have your eyes open and yet undaunted.

I don't want to lose that which makes love some damn fun. And the risk and knowledge that you are probably going to go down is part of what makes it so intense.

Pretty cool, that.

I spent the entire day with him yesterday. We are now "friends." So I thought I'd test that and asked him to come help me with my Van - thought the starter went out.

In the 12 or 13 hours since he woke me up & dropped me off, we got along like a house on fire. (That means we got a long well, right?) Like uncommonly well. He's a person i want to spend my time around. I enjoy doing somewhat boring, unromantic, non-glamorous stuff with... we worked on my van, (and JOY it was not the starter !! it's just a short or something) but i did need a new battery - the 2 month old new one was dead dead dead. (so i take the battery cable of the battery when i park it and it's all good) We ate breakfast, then we went down to San Jose & I helped him move very heavy boxes and shit for a ConVention he does logistics for in a couple of months, with the team he's known for years. It was good fun, actually. We work well together and worked well for them, and it was fun to go in cold and kick ass and be appreciated for it.

And he paid me a lot of attention, kept regular eye contact, physical contact, teasing... just the easy camaraderie that made me like him so much in the first place. I'm really glad that is "undaunted" too!
They took us out to dinner for the work.

A couple hours later and we headed home - his phone was ringing off the hook and he was texting madly and it was obviously his girlfriend, so it was a touch of sad but i gotta get used to that.

And I should definitely not not not take any joy whatsoever in the fact that in 12 hours, he said his girlfriend's name exactly once. And that was when he said I could work the Con with him in May... and then mentioned she'd be there too.

So now i gotta decide if that is going to be anything I want ... it's one thing to be his friend when i get the attention that makes being around him and his world great fun, and another to probably be ignored for 3 days.

Then there's the photos she took of them with some friends that creep me out ... all of the shots of them together, she is being all coy and flirty with him and he is just staring thru the camera at whomever views the photo. And the ones of just him, are all taken from furtive places. She is clearly pretty into this and into him and I should probably go hang out with folks that I am not a 3rd or 5th wheel around.

I am the safest person in the world to leave your boyfriend or hubby or whatever with.

But I don't feel like myself now - i don't feel like I have anyone's best interest at heart right now - least of all mine in some ways. I haven't ever met her, I don't know her and the fact that he was with her before he met me off and on for a year doesn't make me feel good about either her's or my chances ... and by chances on my end I am meaning at least this moment, specifically as his friend.

I am jealous of her connection that can obliterate mine and it's not so much I want to be his girlfriend, but i just don't want to be second fiddle. So I don't feel like my usual completely loyal and trustworthy self.

If I do go I run a pretty high(maintenance) chance of being miserable, But if I don't play nice, how many times is she going to let me spend any time with him at all? Normally i would say this isn't worth it but there is something so unique and what I so want in the way we are that just makes this ...gaa... pathetic , eh?

And then i loaned him welder and my very very very favorite power tool, my grinder ... aaarrghhhhh! so there's no just disappearing. OH that's bs. I can always send someone else to get my shit. If he's going to be invisible for 3 more weeks I might as well. That much fun only once every 2 months really will fuck me up.

oh bother ....