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Zap April 23rd, 2005 Zoooom
amacker [userpic]

I have tried to give the HEALTH topics their own logo, their own warning title -- you know, HEALTH?
this is because some of this stuff may be too graphic or gnarly for, hey, even ME, but i am sort of unemotional about the describing of the facts and therefore i know it may affect people in different ways. Please accept this as my WARNING if you don't want to read anything graphic about this surgery or bodyily functions or whatever??? i am on too much lovely Vicodin to edit myself properly, maybe, or maybe i think there is comfort in facts and the truth....

Here are the shots i took with my cellphone of the ultrasound films a couple of weeks ago:

so, I saw my doctor yesterday for the one week post-op visit. She had the pathology results from the lab.
It was the Worst case of Endemetriosis they'd seen... but NO MALIGNANCY. Completely benign in it's vileness. My ovaries were removed, she said, because they were spongy, filled wiht chocolate colored blood and puss mixture, and had probaly been non-functional for a long time. Meaning, my chemistry was WHACKED for a long time... remember, your ovaries, ie: female gonads, govern a whole bunch of your chemicals.
So they have me on Testosterone now.


I mean, WHAT THE FUCK???
am i not the most unlikely candidate for more Testosterone you know ???

do i not make men in uniforms tremble wiht the very tilt of my chin, that glint in my eye? that twitch in my jaw? do not i lay waste to vast hordes of would-be marauders with the mere mention of my name?

do i not have fucking BALLS OF BRASS ???

ok. You get the point. I may need to be petted and cossetted and snuggled some more, but really, i think i do pretty well in the Testosterone department. But whatever ... they will figure that out soon enough :) i hope... you CAN write your senator if you are worried.

so, the pathology is good, the results were basically that i am bouncing around too much and need to kip it on my back some more. OK, thank god for Carnivale, and a few more episodes to go... after that, i am devestated to realize someone stole my "From Hell" DVD... sniffle. i miss it.

i have been updating a website for Lee (my lovely heeroic friend in Bali)... he has first=hand flown to Sumatra to act on behalf of friends who have donated money to help him buy boats to enable a village that was completely devestated by the Tsunami and the Earthquake there.... the story and his photos are on his site... http://www.bonesandstones.com/aceh.html

it's lovely to be in the company of so many heroic people.... i am blessed with friends that most people just read about in comic books :)

: testosteroned
Tunez !: david bowie singing Paul Simon's "America"
amacker [userpic]

I should mention something i forgot that is kinda important ... the cyst / tumor / growth / problem child came to my attention only on March 20th... that night i was sick, throwing up, nauseated, dizzy ... and from then on it kept up until they resolved the reason. But the really scary event was on March 23rd. Benji and I went to dinner with Andrea at my favorite Palo Alto restaurant, Zibbibo.... i couldn't even walk down the block for gelatto. My guts were wrenched.

I hobbled home with Benji, and was awake all night fearing i was having an appendicitis attack, or something. The symptoms said as much on WebMD. I couldn't figure out whether i should pay the $400 to go the ER without knowing if it was like the worst case of gas EVER... the embaressment of the possibility of this kept me home, but i was lucky to book a cancelled appt with my new doctor the next morning.

I figured if i lived that long it wouldn't be appendicitis and we could figure it out.

Now he thinks the cyst was about to ruputure.

When the ultrasound turned up the "large pelvic mass" the next week, they started really taking it seriously and what may have been doing on since the late-90s when this happened the first time and i DID go the ER at Stanford to be sent home with a possible IBS diagnosis or gas, or something they couldn't identify. So this is freaky. I could have had this thing rupture 8 or 9 years ago if it's the same mass !!!

amacker [userpic]

THE CREDITS & pix flowers and the most incredible present ever!!!!

Love and Thank Yous and a really really great hug as soon as i can muster one to my good fairies:

Dad for dropping everything and flying out to be there and make sure his IchiBon was treated like a Goddess ...
Richard for all the thankless back up, the headstart on the Vicodin until the pharmacy opened, the crab & artichoke feasts!!!, allowance to plunder his amazing rose explosion - which Mom would have loved to see, it's true, the chauffering and other much appreciated interruptions to his burgeoning love life ...
Alden - who came out to hold my hand and fetched me things and succeed in NOT cracking me up totally and even keeping a straight face when i cracked myself up with a joke only she would understand ...
Benji for fullfilling a fantasy by sneaking into my hospital bed that last night so i woke up with him on my birthday!!!, and for leaving town when he got sick and started coughing because it would have killed me to cough even once, and rather than risk that, he went to Fresno - god what heroic measures!!! ...
Erin for being there thru the bad day and giving me the seed recipe for Orange F*&#@ing Chicken ...
Kathleen for herding wet cats, being my spokesmodel, my official, Dad-approved Sister so the hospital would be sure to release information to her to pass on to my bigger Family, but mostly for just bringing her bags, the coffee, moving in, and BEING THERE - for like DAYS! and doing everything everything everything in such a lovely cheerful sweet manner...
Fred Burke, my brother, astrologer, tarot reader, and bestest friend, who flew in from Joshua Tree for my birthday ... for only a few hours on a Sunday afternoon, and gave me on e fo the most incredible tarot readings ever!!! He reminded me too that that was the 20th anniversary of our first meeting in austin...
Andrea Mouse for zipping in, whipping up a gourmet meal with everything she knows i love to eat cooked exactly like i love to have it and being patient when i couldn't manage to eat it that night - but it made for 3 days of yummy leftovers!!! ...
Petrina for herding wet cats on paper...
Ana for checking in at the hospital and bringing me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from
Nina ...
Jeanavive for the first season of Carnivale, which i am now HOOKED on, and because it is soooo good, i fear it being cancelled even on HBO
Andrea K for sharing the music, and telling me about the things that go bump in the night
Nurse Saz - Boogie for loads of free medical advice even while she was not yet diagnosed from her own wretched traumas ... and just the healing quality that her smile engenders ...
Mango Nick for coming with her and being sweet in such a not-fabulous place to visit someone ...
Lee in Bali who called, wrecked and wracked with worry from Indonesia, while he was about to head out to Sumatra to save the village he is first-hand working with - HE is a real honest-to-God HERO and even a week after he had his wisdom tooth extracted WITHOUT PAIN MEDICATION because they don't HAVE pain medication in Bali !!!! he was calling *me* and then heading out to save the planet. Do people like this exist for REAL? People DO. See his antics on http://www.bonesandstones.com
To my beautiful fairygoddess Katy Bell, whom i got to know the first time she showed up to save my ass on the playa two years ago :) who came and stayed and made the BESTEST eggs ever - cuz i HATE them browned (the smell is like burned hair to me, and makes me barf, which i only recently realized is a reaction from boarding school :P) even tho she only likes hers WELL DONE and besides she had even just eaten, so that was a lovely thing to do for her friend...
Neil who supplied me with a perfectly timed round two of his draft for the upcoming novel, a sequel of sorts to American Gods... well, let's just say it's "in the Family"...
And to Eric P for the insanely good Tom Waits CD ! W@@t!
Neil's offspringlings who i know as FarmBoy and my Fairy Goddess Daughter, Holly, who have both come out of the woodwork of their respective college careers to cheer a feeble, fragile, ummm, "delicate" as my Daddy termed it- referring to my age - gal on thru the fog ... bwahahahaha!!!!
Copper, and R-Pod, who stayed up all Friday night making me what may be the bestest birthday present ever ever ever!!! Copper's Chopper i call it. i mean the FLATTERY of having someone 1. make a Barbie into you! and 2. making a Harley into a Honda fire-breathing dragon??? with a lighter? and the detail of the head that Erin and i welded together a few years ago now... criminy, that was just jaw-dropping !
SEE for YOURSELF : http://www.bitchwick.com/amacker/chopper.jpg
Emily, Greeter Dan, Dave Bayer, Chris Taylor, for coming to see me! And Cherry Terror who brought me dark chocolate and a really nice Pinot - Tin something or other - and also brought chocolate chip cookies Shout made allbyherself for anyone who comes to look in on me... sweet !

the fabulous staff of El Camino Hosptial, my fantastic and TALENTED Dr. Sanchez with her team, including Dan Brown, the anaesthesiologist who left me without so much as a sore throat to remember him by :)

and everyone else who sent wishes and wellnesses: Mike Ainsfield, Dave Murphy, the HappyL&nders, some ShipYardies - Kiki, Sparky and Will! - my evil twin Simone, the beautiful Witches of Bitchwick - we may just be the most awesome and gorgeous faux coven EVER!!!, Gargamel for making me laugh, and making it more fun to snuggle in bed, Ishtar for being GOOD for a change instead of the feathered flying termite she usually is when i am not paying attention.

There are more more more... some i have forgotten in pain-killer haze and some yet to come to pass, but i just want you to know how much the love heals. And that i am in any way worthy of such an enormity of concern and well-wishes and good juju...

love love love right back at you and i will always be there for you whenever you need me.

: GRATEFUL pomplimousse
Tunez !: Badly Drawn Boy
Zap April 23rd, 2005 Zoooom